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Apparently, Hollywood's top writers are using their prodigious imaginations to come up with the coolest, most desirable powers Seriously, most of these characters use their incredible abilities to do one or two neat things and then forget they have them, when it should have taken them like five seconds to realize that they could have been doing awesome stuff like Advertisement Pirates of the Caribbean -- Davy Jones Could Have Teleported His Way to Awesomeness Walt Disney Continue Reading Below Advertisement At some point in the series of films based on Johnny Depp being an 18th century homeless man, we are introduced to Davy Jonesthe ferryman of the dead who stopped doing his job and was punished by having his face replaced with a squid.
Walt Disney He's the one on the right. In addition to ruling the seas and having a pet kraken, Davy Jones can teleport anywhere that's involved with the sea. Hell, even his men can teleport; when his heart-in-a-box is stabbed, they all instantly appear next to him.
We first see the teleportation when Jack Sparrow is looking at Davy far off through a telescope, then lowers it to find that he's standing right next to him.
Walt Disney "You were warned about watching me change. Damn, how did they ever beat a guy who can use these powers in the middle of a battle?
Because he doesn't use them. Davy just sorta forgets that his powers go further than "looking super ugly," as movie villains tend to do with alarming frequency.
When there's a pitched sea battle and the literal key to his heart is rolling around on a ship deck 20 feet from him, Davy looks desperate and worried and then takes time to cross swords with every douche in front of him. Walt Disney "If only I had long, tendril-like appendages with which to reach things!
Or, failing that, just walk through every sword in his way, since he can apparently do that, too? During the entire battle, Davy teleports exactly once, when he should have been jumping all over the place. For instance, not once in this movie does Davy wait until Jack Sparrow charges at him with his sword, then teleport Orlando Bloom's character in front of him and watch as he gets stabbed in the dick.
That sums up everything that's wrong with Hollywood today. Walt Disney Seriously, just a foot lower next time, Hollywood. That's all we ask. Continue Reading Below Advertisement It's like the curse that gave him a squid face also magically prevented Davy from coming up with a use for his powers that wasn't spooking people through jump cuts.
Jones conveniently forgets everything about being a maritime god and, as a result, gets his ass handed to him by a drunken moron and his two girlfriends. The girl in question is Jasmine, the local princess.
Jasmine is headstrong and spurns most of her would-be suitors, which saddens her father, the Sultan of Agrabah, because he doesn't want her to grow up to become some lonely tiger lady. The sultan wants someone who will make his daughter happy, so he tells her to marry someone she loves when she's ready.
Walt Disney "Can't you put a little more effort into it, though? I don't think you're showing enough belly. Even before he gets hold of the magic lamp and wishes to become a sorcerer, Jafar already has some pretty cool supernatural abilities: He is able to hypnotize the sultan three different times using his snake staff.
Walt Disney "I command you to submit to the staff. Wait, what are you doing? What He Should Have Done: Why is Jafar only using his hypnotic powers on the sultan, though? According to the Disney Wikiwhich we hold as the ultimate authority on both Disney movies and arcane magic, the ruby eyes in Jafar's staff caused "those who gazed into them [to] become susceptible to Jafar's suggestions and will.
Walt Disney It would be his greatest mistake that didn't involve facial hair. Continue Reading Below Advertisement Remember, the sultan flat-out says that he wants Jasmine to be happy and pick her own suitor -- in the end, he doesn't care if she marries some lowly thief or a creepy older dude.
Therefore, it makes more sense to magically coerce her than it does the sultan. Or, you know, both.
And Aladdin, too, while we're at it: When Jafar sends Al to the Cave of Wonders to retrieve the magic lamp, why risk the kid betraying him and keeping the lamp to himself? Jafar could have simply made Aladdin forget about the lamp as soon as he delivered it, rather than try to kill him, and saved everyone a lot of trouble.
Also, the first thing we saw Jafar use hypnosis for was getting the sultan's ring, something the sultan never asks for back, so it's safe to assume that even after the hypnosis wears off the suggestion is still in place.
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